3.5: E. Hints for Assisting
- Page ID
- 47609
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\(\newcommand{\avec}{\mathbf a}\) \(\newcommand{\bvec}{\mathbf b}\) \(\newcommand{\cvec}{\mathbf c}\) \(\newcommand{\dvec}{\mathbf d}\) \(\newcommand{\dtil}{\widetilde{\mathbf d}}\) \(\newcommand{\evec}{\mathbf e}\) \(\newcommand{\fvec}{\mathbf f}\) \(\newcommand{\nvec}{\mathbf n}\) \(\newcommand{\pvec}{\mathbf p}\) \(\newcommand{\qvec}{\mathbf q}\) \(\newcommand{\svec}{\mathbf s}\) \(\newcommand{\tvec}{\mathbf t}\) \(\newcommand{\uvec}{\mathbf u}\) \(\newcommand{\vvec}{\mathbf v}\) \(\newcommand{\wvec}{\mathbf w}\) \(\newcommand{\xvec}{\mathbf x}\) \(\newcommand{\yvec}{\mathbf y}\) \(\newcommand{\zvec}{\mathbf z}\) \(\newcommand{\rvec}{\mathbf r}\) \(\newcommand{\mvec}{\mathbf m}\) \(\newcommand{\zerovec}{\mathbf 0}\) \(\newcommand{\onevec}{\mathbf 1}\) \(\newcommand{\real}{\mathbb R}\) \(\newcommand{\twovec}[2]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\ctwovec}[2]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\threevec}[3]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cthreevec}[3]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\fourvec}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cfourvec}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\fivevec}[5]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \\ #5 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cfivevec}[5]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \\ #5 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\mattwo}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{rr}#1 \amp #2 \\ #3 \amp #4 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\laspan}[1]{\text{Span}\{#1\}}\) \(\newcommand{\bcal}{\cal B}\) \(\newcommand{\ccal}{\cal C}\) \(\newcommand{\scal}{\cal S}\) \(\newcommand{\wcal}{\cal W}\) \(\newcommand{\ecal}{\cal E}\) \(\newcommand{\coords}[2]{\left\{#1\right\}_{#2}}\) \(\newcommand{\gray}[1]{\color{gray}{#1}}\) \(\newcommand{\lgray}[1]{\color{lightgray}{#1}}\) \(\newcommand{\rank}{\operatorname{rank}}\) \(\newcommand{\row}{\text{Row}}\) \(\newcommand{\col}{\text{Col}}\) \(\renewcommand{\row}{\text{Row}}\) \(\newcommand{\nul}{\text{Nul}}\) \(\newcommand{\var}{\text{Var}}\) \(\newcommand{\corr}{\text{corr}}\) \(\newcommand{\len}[1]{\left|#1\right|}\) \(\newcommand{\bbar}{\overline{\bvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\bhat}{\widehat{\bvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\bperp}{\bvec^\perp}\) \(\newcommand{\xhat}{\widehat{\xvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\vhat}{\widehat{\vvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\uhat}{\widehat{\uvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\what}{\widehat{\wvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\Sighat}{\widehat{\Sigma}}\) \(\newcommand{\lt}{<}\) \(\newcommand{\gt}{>}\) \(\newcommand{\amp}{&}\) \(\definecolor{fillinmathshade}{gray}{0.9}\)Most of us know at least one victim of sexual assault who may turn to us for support or guidance. While there is no magical answer that will solve all of their problems or take away what has happened, there are some things we can keep in mind as we try to assist them.
- Believe them. People rarely lie about abuse or sexual assault.
- Listen to them and concentrate on understanding their feelings.
- Let them know that you understand their feelings. For example, you might say, "You must have been very frightened" or "I'm sorry that this happened to you. It wasn't your fault."
- Ask how you can help.
- Be patient. Remember, it will take time for them to deal with the crime.
- Avoid cutting off victims’ expression of their emotions.
- Inform them about available resources.
- Help them to regain a sense of control. Support them in making decisions about whom to tell and how to proceed. Accept their choice of solution to the rape – even if you disagree with what they are doing.
- Offer shelter or companionship so that they do not have to be alone.
- Offer to accompany them in seeking assistance (medical, police, counseling, etc.).
- Remind them that what happened to them was not their fault.
- It is also important to understand that there are some things that should be avoided. In addition to being non-judgmental, the following behaviors should be avoided:
- Don't ask questions that imply that what happened was their fault, such as "Why did you go to his room?" or "Why did you stay with her?"
- Don't pry. Allow them to tell you only as much as they wish.
- Don't judge.
- Don't touch or hug them unless you are sure that they are comfortable with physical contact.
- Don't tell anyone about what happened without permission.
- Don't tell them what to do. Help them explore the options and allow them to decide whether to report the assault to the police.
- Don't be overly protective.
- Don't let your own feelings get in the way of helping. Know your limitations. Tell them your limits about how much time and energy you can give, rather than making unrealistic commitments. If you are unable to help, refer to someone who can.
Contact a Sexual Assault or Domestic Violence Center: 1‑800‑472‑2911 or 1-800- 656-4673/ 1-800-656 HOPE (CVIC, Helping A Friend; RAINN).